To Be Trusted

"I trust you."

What does that mean?

It can be reassuring and instill confidence. It also can be a reminder of the responsibility that comes with that trust. Being trusted is both the most frightening and flattering thing on the earth. It's also going out of style.

Trust is becoming a forgotten virtue in our modern dog-eat-dog world. World news is rife with scandals and schemes. People forsaking moral and ethical values to scrape a few inches higher on the corporate ladder. How many relationships have ended because a trust was violated or taken advantage of? How many people deal with trust issues because the very people whom should be deserving of their implicit trust have burned that bridge one too many times? How ironic that as society is becoming more and more accessible and integrated (through social media, etc.) we, as individuals, are becoming more and more isolated.

Trusting people gives then power and makes you vulnerable. It's a scary thing. But there are few things as sweet as finding those few people whom you can trust unconditionally. Try to think of someone whom you know you can trust. Those people are not selfish or have ulterior motives, they have your best interest at heart, you feel safe around them, they are not afraid to share their opinion even if it's contrary to yours, they may not be perfect but they're trying.

To be told "I trust you" by someone can be frightening. In this age of if-you're-responsible-for-anything-at-all-that-doesn't-work-out-perfect-then-you-get-your-face-sued-off trust can be a scary thing; both to trust and to be trusted. But now let's take a different look at trust. Perhaps from a more eternal perspective.

To trust is good, to be trusted is godly.

"And again, verily I say unto you, my servant George Miller is without guile;

he may be trusted because of the integrity of his heart."

(D&C 124:20, emphasis added)

Christ said something very similar of Nathanael in the New Testament when He announced to those surrounding Him that Nathanael was without guile. The verse in the D&C adds slightly to this concept though. "he may be trusted because of the integrity of his heart." I can't think of many greater complements to hear from the Savior.

Trust is the lifeblood of healthy human relationships. A relationship built on anything but mutual respect and trust will eventually fall to pieces leaving those individuals shaking their heads, wondering what happened and where they went wrong.

So if you want deep healthy relationships, if you crave friendship or respect, if you are trying to become more like God, or if you simply want people to trust you then here is the key: Integrity of the heart.

I took Taekwondo from a studio in my teenage years and my instructor offered a simple, but effective. definition of integrity. Integrity is doing the right thing when no one's watching. I like that a lot. It's simple and allows us a base from which we can evaluate ourselves. I don't think that this is necessarily a comprehensive definition of integrity. There are many facets to integrity, but this defintion gives us a good place to start.

What do we do when no one is watching? How do we behave? Where do our thoughts default to? In my previous post we linked heart to our desires. So then to have integrity of the heart also means that our inner desires are pure. This makes perfect sense if you think about it. Everything we do in our lives starts in our desires. If we have righteous desires our lives will radiate with that integrity and the Spirit will be with us in greater measures.

But as soon as we let selfishness, dishonesty, pride, or anything else of that nature enter into our hearts we effectively drain out our integrity. Then that Spirit leaves and we are more likely to break the trusts we have gained.

Now no one's perfect. Let me be forthright in admitting that I, for one, am far from perfect. I've had more than my fair share of pride in my life. I've certainly been compelled to be humble many many times. And I know I'm not alone here. We all struggle with keeping integrity in our hearts. What we need is the scriptural "change of heart."

This "change of heart" is a topic large enough to fill volumes of books and so I'll barely scratch the surface here. But I would advise any who seek to change the desires of their hearts to follow these three steps.

Drain out the iniquity - Before we can cleanse the inner vessel we need to dump out the filth that's already accumulated in it. Repent of your sins and stop doing those things you know are wrong.

Replace the poor habits with good ones - When you take something out of your life, such as iniquity, you have to replace it with something. Otherwise you will just default back to the things you used to do. Identify those habits you're getting rid of and make conscious decisions of what good things you'll bring into your life to replace whatever was there before. Gardening instead of gossiping. Working out instead of excessive video games. Scripture study out in nature instead of browsing "adult rated" internet sites. Painting instead of drinking. Spend quality time with family members instead of excessive time in your career. You pick. Just pick something specific or else you'll fall back to what you used to do.
It's gonna be difficult, especially for the first two weeks. But you can do it.

Push yourself and set goals - No one's perfect. Keep trying to be better and setting your sites higher.

Pray - You can't get a change of heart without God. Involve Him and nothing's impossible.

That's as deep as I'm going to go for now into a change of heart. For further study I'd recommend this talk by the prophet Esra Taft Benson.

Once we have that integrity of the heart spoken of in the scriptures then we will find some amazing blessings following us. Our relationships will be stronger, we will be generally liked more, people will come to us for advice, and we will find an inner strength and self-confidence that can only come from having a pure heart before God.

"He may be trusted because of the integrity of his heart."

(D&C 124:20, emphasis added)

I can't think of anything I'd rather have.

Keep pushing on.

Andrew

(Added later)
A quick last thought from Elder Nelson: "Danger lurks when we try to divide ourselves with expressions such as “my private life” or even “my best behavior.” If one tries to segment his or her life into such separate compartments, one will never rise to the full stature of one’s personal integrity—never to become all that his or her true self could be."