BLEH- Bringing Lethargy Everywhere (silent H)

This is a conversation I had several times lately with someone. Guess which side of the conversation I was!

"Why don't you get up and do something today?"

"That sounds like a lot of work..."

"Yeah, but it'll be so rewarding!!"

".... Nah. I think I'll just sit here."

"But there's so much you need to do! Just think of school! Go study anatomy until your eyeballs cleave themselves from your sockets! At the very least go throw in some laundry and be lazy while it's running."

".... Ok... Just let me check Facebook real quick first..."

Have you guessed yet? Haha yeah I'm the lazy one in that conversation! Now guess who the other person was... No, not my mom... Not my brother... Yep. Myself.

Motivation
Let's be real, motivation is a struggle for all of us at many points in our lives. In fact, we'll all fight a continual struggle against the natural man inside of all of us for as long as we're here on earth! The Lord has warned us "the natural man is an enemy to God" (Mosiah 3:19). I needn't really even talk about the issue of being unmotivated. It happens to everyone and it happens a lot, multiple times a day even. But I should specify the type of lack of motivation I wish to address.

We can become unmotivated for any number of reasons: if we dislike what we're doing, if it's too monotonous or too difficult; if we are emotionally compromised with depression, loss of a loved one, or even infatuation. All of these situations can result in us can quickly become unmotivated in life.

But what about those times when, for a week or more, you just feel "Bleh." We've all been there. Those times when for days you're just struggling to do even the bare minimum because of a profound lack of desire to do anything at all. I've described this many times as "I just feel bleh." This is the specific brand of un-motivation I wish to focus on.

The Saints of God

Ancient Jerusalem

One of the distinguishing characteristics of the "people of God" is their industry. The Nephites and Lamanites build "great cities" and had much industry and commerce during their times of righteousness. The early saints built temple after temple, establishing towns and cities in the most uninviting circumstances and terrains. The word "Zion" is almost synonymous with "hard working" or "industrious!" Truly, even God has His own divine "work and glory."

On the other hand, wickedness is quickly associated with idolatry, and slothfulness. The Lord has often chastened His people for being idle. "Thou shalt not be idle; for he that is idle shall not eat the bread nor wear the garments of the laborer." (D&C 42:42) That's quite strong language. In fact that's the exact same language that the Lord uses in the Ten Commandments! If we gave this scripture its proper place we would list it as commandment number eleven!

Alright, is it just me or does "idle" sound remarkably similar to "idol"? Think of it. When we are idle why are we being that way? I'm not talking about when we're exhausted and taking a needed break. I'm talking about just plain being idle for idleness sake. We are basically saying that doing nothing is more important than doing something. This is the problem with not being motivated. It leaves in this state of "I don't feel like doing something so I'm doing nothing." Well of course! The natural man doesn't feel like doing anything really.

Verily I say, men should be anxiously engaged in a good cause, and do many things of their own free will, and bring to pass much righteousness; For the power is in them, wherein they are agents unto themselves.

(D&C 58:27-28)

This is a beautiful scripture that I have found to be an inspiration to me in my life. Particularly when I'm feeling down on myself.

Let's break it down! First of all when the Lord says "Verily I say" you know things are about to get serious. This is basically a scriptural way of saying "pay close attention to this next bit here."

He then gives us a gentle "suggestion" saying "men should..." You ever had someone do this to you? They just gently say "Hey, you know, you really should..." When most people say that phrase then I take it as a serious bit of advice. When God says it, we'd all better take it as a divine mandate.

"Anxiously." That's the closest thing we get to talking about feelings in this verse. Anxiously can mean with vigor or with speed. But why don't we take this as literally as possible? What would make us anxious about engaging in a good cause? How about the fact that our time here on earth is finite, and the opportunities allotted to us to do good here in mortality are limited, and if we "procrastinate the day of our [good works]" then it will be forever too late to touch the live of someone we could've affected for good, but didn't? Gosh I don't know about you guys but just writing that sentence gave me a little bit of anxiety for the time lost and the opportunities missed to do good.

Engaged. Entire books have been written about being "engaged," and I'm not talking about marriage preparation books. (Although I suppose that could certainly be one application of being "anxiously engaged in a good cause.") Engaged is giving all of your attention to something. Putting your best into it. Not letting distractions pull you away from something which you know to be important. We are not only to do good works, but we are to be engaged in them.

Will. Agency. Choice. Whether you decide to do something or not is not a product of if you want to or not. It's a product of your deciding to do it! Loss of motivation is hard. It's a loss of drive, loss of desire to do something. It's difficult to work through and frustrating to deal with. But don't let Satan deceive you. Just because you have lost the desire to do something does not mean you have lost the power or ability to do it. Do not confuse desire with ability. You may not want to get out of bed, or off the couch, or whatever! But your spirit is stronger than the natural man. That is the power we have. The power to act, and not to be acted upon.

Agents. Another day perhaps I will speak more about agency. But I'll say this: Think of "agent" as a representative. Who do we represent? What then does "agency" mean, more than just the ability to choose?

The Corporeal Side of Motivation
The Spirit is the bearer of true motivation. He is the one that can grant us a change of heart and inspire us to greatness. That being said, there are some more temporal things that we can do to turn around our lack of motivation and invite the Spirit into our lives in a greater measure.

Because of it's spectrum, sunlight is the best
form of light for us!

- Light. Many times when I've been feeling unmotivated I have found myself in situations without much light. Open the blinds, turn on every light in a room, go outside into the sunshine for a while! There are many studies linking the amounts of light one receives and the general physiological state they experience. SAD means Seasonal Affective Disorder. Basically when the seasons change and less light is experienced during the day then it can affect people quite a bit, bringing depression and demotivation. You may only slightly experience this effect, but know this is what it is and take steps to make sure you're getting enough light in your day to counter it!

- Health. If you eat junk you'll feel like junk. Snag something healthy to eat! (No, not that half carton of ice cream. I don't care how much "calcium" you're trying to tell yourself it's got.) Seriously though, sometimes a lack of energy and motivation is a lack of some specific vitamin or mineral. Shovel down some salad and some fruit. See if you don't feel better! Oh and water too! No more of that soda stuff. After the sugar high subsides that'll just push your body further away from the motivation you seek.

- Cleanliness. When you're feeling a lack of motivation look around you. Chances are you haven't showered, shaved, dressed nicely, or cleaned your surroundings recently. Take a few minutes and hop in the shower. Get yourself looking good. Don't go back to throwing on a pair of sweats afterwards either. Dress the way you want yourself to feel! Turn on a chapter of the Book of Mormon so you can listen to it while you tidy up, even if it's just for a few minutes.

- Lists. This is an interesting one, but it's a key I've found to getting myself motivated again. Get out a sheet of paper and write down all the things you have to to over the next few days. Then write down all the things you would like to do. In a planner of some sort schedule in all the things you have to do and then fill in the spaces with the things you'd like to do. Keep priorities in mind. This will get your mind cleared and hopefully provide some things for you to look forward in the next few days!

- Service. One of the very best ways to improve your personal attitude about life is to help someone else. It may be tiny. Doing a few dishes in your apartment that aren't yours. Writing somebody a note just telling them you're thinking of them and wishing them a great day. Taking the time to talk to somebody that just needs a friend. There are many things we can do and I promise that you'll feel better when you help someone else!

- The Basics. Make sure you're reading your scriptures and saying your prayers. I was having a particularly rough time with motivation in my life and one day I decided that instead of playing music on my phone while I went about my afternoon I was going to turn on the scriptures. Just to listen to them while I was doing some other things. I did this more and more often and finally I wrote this about the effect that had on my life. "It was amazing to feel the effects of the word of God in my life more often! I was struggling with motivation quite a bit, but when I started listening to the scriptures and conference my life was just filled with so much light and joy. I was able to put behind me those things that were getting me down and move forward with my life. It was seriously like I had turned a new page in my life. I was happier, more fun to be around, I did better in my classes, there was no part of my life that wasn't touched by making that simple change."

Verily I say, men should be anxiously engaged 

in a good cause, and do many things of their 

own free will, and bring to pass much 

righteousness; For the power is in them, 

wherein they are agents unto themselves.

(D&C 58:27-28)

Conclusion!
Motivation is something we'll struggle with off and on for life. That's just how mortality works. But if we do our best to act as agents of the Being who's name we have taken upon us and we push onward I know that we can overcome anything. After all "If God be for us, who can be against us?" (Romans 8:31)

Keep Pushing On

Andrew

God speaks today. So don't sleep through His talk.

"I'm thankful for my family. I know the church is true. I know Thomas S Monson is a prophet..."

President Thomas S. Monson.
Prophet, Seer, and Revelator

I've heard this testimony given every month, sometimes multiple times a month. I gave it myself as a child or heard it given by other children. Adults also give a varied version of this as well. A little more elaborate than those of their children, but still hitting on all the same points. One of those points invariably is the actuality of a living prophet.

We believe the prophet to be the voice of God for us today. It's stated many times in the scriptures and we hear infrequently in sacrament meeting. So why don't we believe it?

I'm not talking about a superficial belief here. I'm talking about the belief that is followed up by action. The belief that drives you towards actually living those principles you believe and not just proclaiming them. Too many of us are guilty of lip-service. If we believe so much in a living prophet then what is the last thing he said? Think about it. We're about to hit General Conference again. How many of us remember what President Thomas S Monson told us last conference?

For those few of you who actually do remember I congratulate you! For the rest of us though, I'll admit that I'm just as guilty as the next man who does not remember what was told us last conference by our prophet. I've reread and, even watched his talk again once, since April, but his message is not yet truly written in my heart. Because that's what happens when you truly believe something.

If you do remember what he said then I hope you've been able to truly apply it in your lives. For the rest of us I would recommend a small review here. (Click on the link)

A Living Prophet
The Jews of Christ's time were obsessed with the ancient prophets to the point of rejecting the Messiah they had with them. The Jews professed allegiance to Moses and lineage through Abraham. They said "If we had been in the days of our fathers, we would not have been partakers with them in the blood of the prophets" (Matt 23:30), but then they turned around and killed their Savior.

Now I'll need to be careful with this application, but aren't we somewhat similar to those Jews in terms of our apathy? Or rather, application?

I think we've all had the thought, at once in our lives, of what it would be like to live during the time of Jesus Christ. To walk with Him and learn from Him. Maybe we've thought what it would be like to be a sibling of Nephi and what we would've done, how we would've listened. Possibly we've tried to imagine following Moses and how much more faithful we would've been than those slothful and idolatrous Israelites. Can you imagine what it would've been like to sit at his knee with the other Nephite children?

You know where I'm going with this:

"What I the Lord have spoken, I have spoken, and I excuse not myself; and though the heavens and the earth pass away, my word shall not pass away, but shall all be fulfilled, whether by mine own voice or by the voice of my servants, it is the same."

(D&C 1:38, emphasis added) 

We all believe this. We all know in our heads that this is true. I can see you nodding your heads now and thinking: Yes, yes, the prophet speaks for God. Now I know where you're going with all that. But Andrew, we already know this.

Yes we know it. But perhaps we don't yet believe it.

The Most Important Prophet
Other that Jesus Christ, who certainly was a prophet even though He was so much more than that as well, who is the most important prophet for you? Was it Adam our first father? Maybe Noah who saved mankind from the flood? Was it Mormon who compiled the records for the Book of Mormon? Or was it Joseph Smith who translated that record and restored the church to the earth? I think you know where I'm going with this too.

The most important prophet for you and I right now is the living prophet. If all the records and writings of the ancient prophets were destroyed, and if every church building and temple were destroyed, and if every book and document of spiritual value on the earth were burned, we could still follow the living prophet. He would lead us and guide to follow the will of God and our souls would not be lost, the priesthood line of power would remain intact, and the keys, ordinances, and blessings of the temple could be restored and again distributed among the earth.

We too often take for granted the actuality of a living prophet and living 12 apostles.

A prophet in his own house
Christ said "A prophet is not without honour, but in his own country, and among his own kin, and in his own house." (Mark 6:4) Those who grew up with Jesus and knew him personally before He began His holy ministry were the most reluctant to accept Him as their Savior while some who never did see Christ in the flesh were some of the most faithful to their testimony of His divinity.

This is similar to us. We are in the "prophet's country." We are his "kin" and his "house." Social media, the internet, and various other technologies have made access to the prophet and apostles so easy that with a few clicks of a button I can see what events they recently attended and the words they spoke there. This has poisoned us with apathy and tainted with procrastination the attention we might have given their words.

Think for a moment how things would be different if you only got to hear a prophet once every 5 years, and the only record you would have of his words were your own personal notes. How would that change your priorities. Would you go camping general conference weekend? Would you sleep through the talks? Of course not! You'd make great preparations to enable yourself to be there and to pay attention to every word!

"Awe don't watch it now.. You can just download it all later...
You'll be much more prepared to watch it later...
Think of all the other things you should be doing right now..."
Cordially, The Devil

It's too easy for us to think "Oh I can watch it later. I'll just download it from lds.org" or "Why would I take notes? I can just find the whole thing online." or "We're just gonna hear the same stuff in another 6 months. Missing this one won't make that much of a difference." Technology is amazing and is provided for us from God to give better access to His word, enabling us to fight against the waves of evil pounding our lives. Unfortunately technology has also enabled a level of procrastination that was not even possible in the time of our ancestors.

We've all heard the whole "don't procrastinate the day of your repentance" bit. In fact I think it's lost some of it's potency because of how often it's repeated. So I'll use a different scripture: "But behold, your days of probation are past; ye have procrastinated the day of your salvation until it is everlastingly too late, and your destruction is made sure; yea, for ye have sought all the days of your lives for that which ye could not obtain" (Hel 13:38)

What if at the Judgement bar of God we are asked for 50 things thing a living prophet taught us during our lifetime and how we applied it. Could we answer? Then perhaps the Lord, as with Lot, asks for forty, then thirty, then twenty, then only ten. The populations of Sodom and Gomorrah were substantial and yet Lot couldn't find even 10 men who were righteous enough to be spared. In our lives the number of times we have had an opportunity to hear a prophet or an apostle speak are even more numerous! And yet can we mention even 10 things that our living prophet and apostles have specifically told us recently?

The Scriptures
In talking about living prophets and apostles I want to make it clear that I mean no disrespect or down-playing of those prophets, seers, and revelators, whom have gone before. They all took pivotal roles in God's plans for His children, particularly those in the scriptures.

Taken to an extreme one might say that we have no need for the scriptures as we have living prophets and apostles. This is a very misguided approach to Gods word.

We will be judged out of the best books. Including these. ^

The scriptures are provided for our day just as much as living prophets and apostles are provided for us. We should not leave off reading our scriptures just to exclusively focus on the most recent general conference talks. The prophets and apostles have many times counseled us to daily scripture study. Perhaps their talks are given as augmentation of scriptural concepts, rather than to replace them. Any way you look at it we can not discount in the least the scriptures we have been so abundantly blessed with.

Prophetic Contradictions?
The words of the living prophets trump those of past prophets such as in OD 1&2. Understand that neither prophet were "wrong" or "right." They spoke what God revealed to them.

God teaches "line upon line, precept upon precept." We are told this many times in the scriptures. We don't get everything all at once. Also, God has warned us "For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts." (Isaiah 55:9) We mere mortals might look at something and with our limited knowledge think "That does not make sense. God's contradicting Himself." But that is like an ant watching a man pick up a rock and thinking "He's breaking the law of gravity! He can't do that!" But it's merely the understanding of the higher law of physics that brings things back into focus.

The most effective way to reconcile perceived contradictions is to pray. Perhaps not to pray for an answer, but for patience and faith to put doubts behind you until the day when you can ask the God of Heaven and Earth for yourself. Ask if the living prophet is indeed chosen of God and if you should follow him. Then follow in faith the answers you receive.

"...whether by mine own voice 

or by the voice of my servants, 

it is the same."

(D&C 1:38)

General Conference
I'm very excited to be able to hear from our prophets and apostles this coming month. I promise to all of you and to myself that I will not only pay even better attention this time around, but that I will strive to apply into my life their teachings. I invite all of you to do the same.

Keep Pushing On.

Andrew

Eat Or Be Eaten

Humility is Weakness
Eat or be eaten. That's natural law. It's also an accurate representation of Jr high to high school. It was make fun or be made fun of. Be popular or be a looser.

Eighth grade was the toughest year of school for me. Not academically, but socially. I was made fun of for various things, the way I did my hair, the clothing I wore, the way I shot a basketball, etc. Names were thrown at me: "Comb-over kid" for my hair and "frog-stalker," a combination insult of the way I shot a basketball and the fact I had a little crush on a certain girl. I finally got some respect once I found ways to mock those who were mocking me, but I didn't like what mocking others did to me on the inside. The school year passed by and 9th grade was a little easier. The school was a little bigger, the taunts less personal, and I was able to find myself again.

Humility was and is not a trait highly valued in our the world for our children then or now. Rather it's the talent, the pride which we value. And we're not much better as adults.

In a society which downplays our strengths and magnifies our weaknesses humility is seen as a weakness.

Lets be honest, Wolverine has almost no humility.

Thousands of hours of television, movies, and video games have brainwashed us into thinking that the strongest man is the man who fights, not the man who controls his anger and walks away.

Admitting you're wrong is weakness rather than upstanding moral character.

The winners of arguments are those who can degrade furthest the character of their opponent, rather than the actual weighing of the facts.

Giving the benefit of the doubt is seen as ignorance and foolishly, misplaced optimism in a time when assuming the worst about people and jumping to worst-case scenarios are the go-to judgement-calls for "realists."

We are turning into the Nephites at their peak of pride. In fact, I would confidently say that we're worse than they ever were. The nearly ubiquitous attitude of pride-filled entitlement in this country is truly breath-taking.

A survey was taken concerning how people planned to retire. The top answer was lawsuit. People actually have a firm belief that they can just sue someone else out of all their money and then retire. Remind you of any other people? How about Ammonihah?

I think it's fairly obvious that humility, not oil, is the scarcest of our natural resources.

Humility is Strength
Enough of my rambling. What does the Lord have to say. In my list of Commandments and Blessings (which is by no means comprehensive) humility is spoken of no less than 22 times. That's kind of a lot.

Humility is often required in addition to other traits to be granted blessings, but there are a few sets of verses when humility in and of itself is the requirement. It's actually very instructive to me that the very first isolatable commandment linked to a blessing in the D&C is about humility.

"And inasmuch as they were humble they might be made 

strong, and blessed from on high, and receive knowledge 

from time to time."

(D&C 1:28)

Did anyone else catch that God wants us to know that humility is not weakness, but rather strength? God is trying desperately to help us understand that what the world is telling us is the exact opposite of what is actually truth. That shouldn't be a surprise to anyone by now. I think we all get that the world and God aren't exactly in alignment.

Humility, though it appears to be weakness,
will outweigh pride in strength every time.

Humility does so much for us! It's no wonder that Satan is trying to drive us away from it! "Be thou humble; and the Lord thy God shall lead thee by the hand, and give thee answer to thy prayers." (D&C 112:10). Little can be done towards the salvation of a prideful person until they are brought down to humility.

Pride is the root of all sin. President Benson gave an iconic talk on pride appropriately titled Beware of Pride. He explains that pride has been around as long as we have. Even in the pre-mortal life pride is what caused Satan to rebel against God. So then, doesn't it make perfect sense that in trying to steer us away from God here in mortality the devil will try to poison us with the same draft that lead to his own rebellion?

Pride vs Self-Confidence
People will say that they're not prideful, they just have a lot of self esteem, a lot of self confidence. Well, 'scuse me for interrupting, but what passes for self-confidence most of the time now used to be called pride.

There is a distinct attitude in the world today, mostly among the youth and young adults, of "I don't care what anyone has to say or what anyone thinks or what anyone else does. I am me and if you don't like it then you can get out of my face and quit judging me cause I'm just the way I am and I'm not changing for you or anyone else." Hmmmm, yeah that's not self-confidence. That's straight up pride. But that's what's passing for self-confidence nowadays!

I don't even know what else I could say about that. It's so obvious once you look at it. Self confidence is not this "I don't care what you say or what you think" bit. Self confidence is deciding to care what some people think and deciding not to care what others think. Like this. You'd better care what God thinks first of all. And you'd better care about what your teachers and your parents think too. You don't have to let them run your life, but they can give you pretty good advice. Self confidence is knowing your imperfections. Not that you don't care about them, but that you're confident enough to recognize them and work on them!

So be sure that when you're talking about pride you include those particular brands of "self confidence," cause if we're honest with ourselves, it's really just pride by a different name.

To Combat an Idea
For us to be able to turn ourselves toward humility we must see how the world is playing us, how we are being tricked into false definitions of strength and "winning" and "loosing." God defines humility and grounding in true principles as strength. The world defines strength as pride and the ability to beat the snot out of anyone who stands in your way.

In eighth grade we were playing basketball at recess. I don't remember the details of what happened, but I got in a bit of a scuffle with another boy. After a few swings I realized that, while I wasn't in the wrong, fighting wasn't the answer and so I backed away, he came after me but was pulled back by a teacher who saw the whole thing. I was still pretty mad, but didn't want to start anything else, so I went into the restroom to cool down for a minute. I splashed a little water on my face, and walked out after a few minutes. Well guess who was called the victor and who was called the looser. Because I had backed away first then I was the "looser." Because I had walked away from the situation I was called a "crybaby."

Haha it's alright I'm over it now, but that's pretty much how the world declares a "winner." Take big business for example. You've gotta be careful about admitting you're in the wrong when something bad goes down cause if people see a scapegoat they'll pile everything on top of you and kick you out the door.

When all is said and done it will matter very little how many
trophies are on the walls of your home, but rather the
quality of your heart.

We need to, as individuals, change our perception of winning and loosing, of strength and weakness. We must strive to see that the humble of heart are much further along this race of life than we are. Any missionary, anyone who has tried to share the gospel with another human being knows that the humble at heart are the most willing to turn their lives over to God.

To combat the false perceptions of strength and humility that the world has given us we must recognize the lies for what they are, and then wield against them truth.

Humility vs Weakness
So where then is the line between being humble and letting people take advantage of you? That's how most people see it at least. Either you're strong, prideful, and show people who's boss, or you're humble, weak, pitiful, and let people just walk all over you. The question is NOT whether we should be humble or be strong. Don't let Satan even tempt you to ask the question that way. We know that humility brings strength, not weakness.

Look at Christ. He was perfectly humble. He acknowledged His father's hand in all things. But no one can say that people walked all over Him. He cast the money-changers out of the temple, He called out the Scribes and Pharisees multiple times, He stood up for what was right with everything He did and said. Because of His perfect humility in deferring to the Father He was granted strength from the Father to do everything that was necessary for Him to do.

Humility is not weakness. Humility is strength.

Don't Pray for Humility, Cause Then You Might Be Humbled
I'm afraid this is one of the tools Satan has used to infiltrate the church. This phrase is absolutely true. If you pray for humility then God will grant you what you ask for and help you to have humility. What Satan has done, however, is turned that around and used it against us.

This frustrates me so much though! Are we so in love with our pride and so afraid of God that we refuse to pray for humility?? We refuse to ask an infinitely loving God, who has our best interest at heart and our exaltation as His goal, to aid us in the development of one of the most Christ-like attributes available to man?

No one, not one of us, is perfectly humble. This is something that we should all be praying for frequently! And you know why? Because if pride is the root of all sin then by the Law of Opposition humility must be the root of all righteousness! And it makes perfect sense!

If we are humble we will be able to develop charity towards our fellow man, we will trust God, we will serve others, we will follow the commandments, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera! We cannot become like God without humility. As we develop humility we will begin to develop other Christ-like attributes as a natural and instinctive outcome.

Humility, the Root of All Righteousness
May we not be fearful, but rather trust in God enough to pray for humility. See pride and aggrandizement for what it is and don't be pulled into the worldly definitions of "winning" and "strength." Learn to find your strength in humility, rather than looking for strength in spite of humility.

May we all find ourselves a little more humility today and forever.

Keep pushing on.

Andrew

Friend?

It's been almost three and a half years since I've seen my best friend.

You cant quite see both our missions
in one shot of the globe. Micronesia
is a bit further on the right, Romania a
bit further on the upper left.

When I left to serve my mission to Micronesia I knew that my mission and his would overlap and that I
wouldn't see him for a very long time. I didn't know where he would be serving, but I was confident that God would take care of him until I could see him again.

Tomorrow my brother, Nathan, returns from serving a mission in Romania. I am excited to see him (understatement of the century), and to see how he has changed since we last spoke.

(Update: He's home. He's a little weird. And I love him to death for it.)

We have interesting history, my brother and I. My mother tells a story of when Nathan was quite young. He and I are 17 months apart in age and so I was just a toddler at the time (yes, that's my disclaimer). Anyhow, one day mom had a number of things she needed to do, any young mother can relate, and so she lay Nathan down on a blanket and walked into an adjoining room. After just a few seconds she heard him crying and came back in to console him. I was sitting on the ground next to him just staring at Nate with a confused look on my face as if to say "What's this?" Mom got Nate settled down and again went to walk out of the room, but this time she looked back just in time to see me, I won't say "slap" necessarily, but rather "lower my hand with some force" onto Nathan's face, who immediately began again to cry. This was the beginning of a long and wonderful friendship.

I haven't had many people I would call my best friends. In fact, outside of my family there's only one person that I would call a "best friend." But how do we make that distinction? Who is merely an acquaintance vs. who is a friend? What is the difference between a friend and a best friend?

17 times in the Doctrine and Covenants the Lord calls those to whom He is speaking "friends." Do we really qualify for that title? Friend of the Savior. Or rather I should say Friend to the Savior. That's an important distinction.

"And again I say unto you, my friends, for from henceforth I shall call you friends, it is expedient that I give unto you this commandment, that ye become even as my friends in days when I was with them, traveling to preach the gospel in my power."

(D&C 84:77)

The commandment and blessing here is a little different than normal in that the commandment and the blessing are the same thing. We are commanded to become Christ's friends, and the blessing is just that, we get to be Christ's friends.

Friend?
The concept of a true friend has basically disintegrated into oblivion in modern culture and society. Let me illustrate this point through a few popular "ecards."

I got a good laugh out of all of these, and these four ecards is really just a tiny smattering of the endless little quips, phrases, and images about "best friends."

Oh I remembered another one!

Yes, yes, we all laugh and smile at the ridiculousness these images portray. We must also be careful though. Every bit of information that we take into our minds effects us somehow. Seeing these pictures is actually effecting, subconsciously or consciously, our definition of friendship. 

Some of you might say "Well in some respects this is what friendship is!" Let's go back to our scripture where the Lord calls us friends. Can you imagine applying any of these phrases to your "friendship/relationship" with Christ?

Go back and read them all again. Every picture. I'm dead serious. But this time think of Christ as your "friend" referenced in each one and what His response would be.

It's a very different feeling going through those the second time wasn't it? I know it was for me.

Comfort vs Friendship

I think we all look for certain characteristics in friends that are universal. We look for similar interests, compatible personalities, we want to be around people who make us feel good.

Sometimes that means finding people who make us feel comfortable with our particular brand of sinning. Someone who is accustomed to using filthy language will typically be friends with those who use similar language. Someone who skips church frequently to go out and snag some fast food will be friends with those who do the same. And so on and so forth. Now there are always exceptions, but the general rule is we look for companionship with those who make us feel the most comfortable when we are with them.

Look at your closest friends, I think you'll find that you all have similar vices. Similar interests too, but also similar vices. 

Now as we look for friends, and I should say best friends because I'm talking about the people whom we will spend a significant amount of time with, not just acquaintances. We should be careful in choosing our best friends. An increasing amount of evidence points to the huge conscious and subconscious influence our friends have on us. Be careful with the company you keep as that is whom you will begin to become.

Christ, The Truest Friend

For my purposes today I wish to spend less time on choosing good friends (we've all heard about that topic plenty in church and at youth activities, etc.) and I'll focus on being a good friend. Specifically to the Savior.

Let's take a quick look at what character traits Christ exemplified in His interactions with His friends.

1) He walked and talked with the apostles. 

2) He was never "tolerant" or "accepting" of sin, but He was infinitely patient with mortal imperfection and repentant sinners.
3) He forgave them.

Learning and tabulating character traits is all fine and dandy, but the real benefit comes in application.

1) Walking and talking with your friends.

Walking is the easy part. It just means doing stuff together. Spending time with each other. Chances are you're not gonna be great friends if you never do anything together! Talking is another thing though. And I don't mean just meaningless conversation or laughing at a video compilation of cats on YouTube together. I think Christ would've talked with His apostles on a little deeper level than that.

How often do we talk about spiritual matters with our friends? Or not even necessarily "spiritual" things, but expressing our worries or achievements, struggles and successes, future apprehensions and goals. There is so much "froth" in the world, so many hours wasted on things of little or no consequence. Don't allow a friendship you treasure to suffer because of the modern inability to talk openly and frequently about things that truly matter.

2) Tolerance vs Patience

There is a word that has been wielded as a sword recently by so many groups and in so many different situations that it has become an extreme. Either a banner under which legions march, or a taboo who's connotations make others cringe. I am speaking of "tolerance."

Tolerance doesn't mean acceptance. Christ never was accepting of sin. He was accepting of sinners. (Click here if you'd like a more politically opinionated, "fiery," conservative blog post on this topic.)

Now this blog in and of itself is not the place for political debate. I have tried to keep "opinions" to a minimum and "doctrine" to a maximum and I intend to keep it that way. I will say only this. I am in full support of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints and the Apostles and Prophet therein. I echo and support their published statements and the official doctrine of the church.

Now back to friendships. As a friend you should be patient with others shortcomings, understanding of their opinions. You should not, however, let others walk all over you or feign acceptance just because you don't want to "rock the boat" of your friendship. They should be just as understanding of your opinions as you are of theirs. No one wants to be friends with someone whom won't be a good listener.

3) Forgiveness

My next blog post will go into significantly more depth on forgiveness of others and self, but in short I'll just say that no one is perfect. Your friends will make mistakes and hurt you either purposefully or inadvertently. Not granting forgiveness will result in grudges, burned bridges, and lost friendships. But more on this in my next post.

Secrets

"Yo, I've got a dead body in my trunk."

One quick note as well. Secrets are a part of friendship. You share things with friends that you don't share with others. Some are inconsequential, some are not. A secret carries both trust and responsibility. You want to keep your friends' secrets, but there are also some things you shouldn't keep to yourself.

Picture this situation. One of my friends comes up to me "Dude, I've got to tell you something. You have to swear on your life to not tell anyone though, ok?"
"Oh you know I've got your back, what's up?"
"Yo, I've got a dead body in my trunk and I need help burying it."

I hope it's blatantly obvious that's not a secret that should be kept secret. Cause if I didn't let someone know about that situation then that's called a secret combination and there are some pretty nasty warnings in the scriptures about secret combinations.

Obviously the likelihood of a friend asking you to help hide a body is pretty slim (hopefully), but what about other stuff? What if your friend asks you to keep a secret from his or her significant other about another relationship she's having on the side?

These secrets happen all the time between friends. So what do you do? On the one hand you want to maintain friendship and trust with your friend, on the other hand there is stuff going down that is not ok. Most often we just keep our mouths shut and distance ourselves from the situation. But in those scenarios what we should really be doing is talking. Talk it out with your friend, voice your opinion. Tell them they're being totally stupid about something. Occasionally you need to seek outside help and void that trust so that you are not brought under condemnation yourself for staying quiet when action should have been taken.

These are sensitive situations. Do what Christ would do. And do it with love.

Friendship

Be A True Friend to Self and Christ

"And again I say unto you, my friends, for from henceforth I shall call you friends, it is expedient that I give unto you this commandment, that ye become even as my friends in days when I was with them, traveling to preach the gospel in my power."

(D&C 84:77)

We need to become Christs friends by reciprocating back to Him what He already does for us.
1) Walk and talk with Christ.
2) Be willing to see yourself as He does.
3) Repent and forgive yourself and others.

May we all be true friends to those around us and those we come in contact with in our lives.

Welcome home Nate. Keep pushing on.

Andrew

Why Am I Not Getting A Clear Answer?

My Motorcycle

"Heavenly Father" I prayed "should I get a motorcycle?"

I uttered those exact words in prayer a little more than a year ago now.

For many many years I had wanted a motorcycle and the plan had always been to get one after I got home off my mission. At the time I was recently returned from my mission and was conveniently in need of transportation. I was very excited; my dear mother was significantly less so.

Mom approached me a few times with perfectly valid concerns about safety, finances, and the like to convince me out of getting a motorcycle. I took her concerns seriously and made all the preparations to be as safe as possible, as well as putting my finances in order so that I wouldn't be sacrificing educational opportunities, but I had my heart set on getting a motorcycle and she wasn't about to convince me out of it.

Well, my mom, after some time and seeing how set I was on purchasing a motorcycle, issued her ultimatum: pray about it.

I wasn't too worried about asking God if I should get a motorcycle. After all, I had made solid preparations and I expected Him to give me the thumbs up, or at least that familiar answer of "It's up to you" which He gives us sometimes to help us learn to make our own choices. And so I went to my room and I prayed "Heavenly Father should I get a motorcycle?"

What happened next still surprises me to this day.

100% blank. Like this slate.

I blanked. Completely 100% blank. I could not remember what I had just asked for. I couldn't remember why I was praying. The only way I even knew I was praying was because I was kneeling down next to my bed, but I literally could not recall why I was there.

I didn't know what to do and so I just kept praying. Thanking God for things and asking for help and blessings about other things in my life as if this was any other prayer. After about 20 seconds I remembered, all at once, that I had asked about getting a motorcycle. I had experienced the truest form of a "stupor of thought" that I can possibly imagine.

I stood up from that prayer somewhat disappointed, but confident that I knew the will of God for me and I was ready to move forward in a different direction more pleasing to Him.

Now please understand, I have nothing against motorcycles at all. In fact, I still hope to get one sometime in the future. But for me, at that time, I was not supposed to get one. I didn't know at the time, but there were blessings that eventually followed. One of which was that after car hunting for months afterward I eventually found an amazing deal on a great car that I would have not been able to afford had I purchased a motorcycle.

Questions and Answers

I share that experience because we often hear of the "burning of the bosom" experiences, but significantly less often, though equally as valid, are our experiences of a stupor of thought.

You must study it out in your mind; 

then you must ask me if it be right, 

and if it is right I will cause that 

your bosom shall burn within you... 

But if it be not right you shall have 

no such feelings, but you shall have a 

stupor of thought.

(D&C 9:8-9)

By a raise of hands, who feels like every single time they ask God about something they get an answer right away and it's blatantly obvious what they need to do? Now put your hand down if you're just being sarcastic or being funny. That's what I thought.

We all struggle with this! We all have a hard time figuring out exactly what we're supposed to do sometimes. We pray for answers and we don't feel like they're forthcoming. We feel like God's holding out on us and not being clear with exactly what we need to do or the choices we make. Gosh I sure know I've felt like that before. In some ways I feel like that right now!

Why am I not getting a clear answer?

It might be a few things. 

1) You might be getting an answer, but not recognizing it.
2) You might not be asking the right question.

3) It may not matter.

4) God may want you to do your best and just go in a direction. He will guide you if you start heading down a wrong path.
5) Sin or worldly distractions might be preventing you from receiving spiritual communication.

Most people think that their problem is the first one listed. That God's giving them answers, but they're not interpreting God's answers the right way. But I think you'll be surprised to learn that the issues 2-4 are actually much more common. Keep these in mind, we'll be referencing them later. If you're not getting an answer because of reason #5 then repent. Any questions? Good, moving on.

Agency

Wouldn't it be nice if every time you came to a decision than God would send you a text detailing what you're supposed to do? That'd be great! No more wondering if what you're doing is right or not. No more doubt, no more fear, no more mistakes! How could you foul up if it was so clearly given to you in minute detail? Hey, even better than that, what if God just forced everyone to do the right things? That's gonna be the best for anyone anyways right?? 

Oh wait. That's Satan's plan. 

See how that happened though? It all starts with wanting to be told what to do in every situation. That's not God's plan for us. We're here to learn, to grow, to be independent, to become like God. That won't happen if He has to tell us what to do every minute of every day. 

I'm not lazy! I'm gonna do something amazing...
starting tomorrow...

Does this sound familiar? "For behold, it is not meet that I should command in all things; for he that is compelled in all things, the same is a slothful and not a wise servant; wherefore he receiveth no reward."

If God commanded in all things that'd be like your dad following you around all day every day telling you every single little thing to do: "Wake up. Get up. Kneel down. Pray. Here's what to say... Stand up. Walk to the closet. Get dressed. Here's what to wear. Walk to the bathroom. Brush your teeth." We don't expect our earthly fathers to do that. They teach us what to do when we're young, but as we grow older we get more independent and we can do more things on our own. It's the same thing spiritually between us and God.

Alright, well if God is not going to command in all things then what do we do?

"Verily I say, men should be anxiously engaged in a good cause, and do many things of their own free will, and bring to pass much righteousness; For the power is in them, wherein they are agents unto themselves. And inasmuch as men do good they shall in nowise lose their reward."

God may want you to do your best and just go in a direction. He will guide you if you start heading down a wrong path.

Look at the trust God has given us! "The power is in them." The knowledge to act, the ability to act, the opportunity to act as independent agents of our Heavenly Father! It's more power, and more responsibility. It's instructive that it says "inasmuch as men do good," it doesn't say that we have a sacred foreordination in every single situation we might encounter, it just says we are to do "good." I firmly believe that I was foreordained to do certain tasks on this earth and I believe that at certain moments then God will step in and guide me to those responsibilities. But I also believe that much of my "destiny" is up to me! More on that later though.

Don't let the fact that you're not getting clear answers paralyze you. God has issued this warning in that same block of scriptures:

"He that doeth not anything until he is commanded, and receiveth a commandment with doubtful heart, and keepeth it with slothfulness, the same is damned."(D&C 58:26-29)

Wow. That's harsh. But it's a fair warning to those of us who look for constant direction in our lives, but then when we do receive direction we doubt and second guess guess ourselves, finally following it halfheartedly. 

Understand that I'm not saying we should stop praying and just traipse along our merry way wielding our agency willy-nilly. We should always be praying and involving God in our decisions. But if you don't feel like you're getting specific direction then just use your best judgement and plow ahead! You did your part, pray, ask, fast if necessary, seek for your answer, but then move! Do something! (Just keep this paragraph in mind for the remainder of this post so I don't have to keep inserting it in other places. I'll call this my *reminder paragraph* to remind us that prayer really is important.)

If God has a specific path for us to follow and we are personally doing our all to seek His guidance then he will send us answers in a way that we can understand. The fear of misinterpreting an answer is simply not putting faith in the fact that God is your Father and He knows how to communicate with you.

Careers and Relationships

Two of the most prayed about topics for young adults. And two really important decisions! Your career influences your quality of mortal life, and your spouse influences the quality of your mortal and eternal life. Lets talk career first cause I have less to say about that topic.

Careers

Once you die your career becomes almost entirely obsolete. Seriously. Mull that over for a second. The idea of a "career" is purely mortal. "Work" and "responsibility" are eternal, but our careers here on earth are purely mortal experiences.

Why do we have careers? There are three reasons: to provide for ourselves and our families, to influence others for good, and to learn eternal principles of teamwork, diligence, leadership, etc. in a variety of settings.

There are perhaps a few of us who are "destined" to be in one career path or another, but I think that what we chose to do for a living is largely up to us. What makes us happy? What gives us satisfaction? What will help us best fulfill the three purposes of a career? 

I know a number of people who have struggled, or are currently struggling, to find their "destined career path." They are praying and are frustrated because they feel like they are not receiving an answer. Maybe they are asking the wrong question when they pray.

They might be praying and saying something like "show me what path to take" or "is being a doctor what you would like me to do with my life?" This assumes that God has already decided what they should be doing and doesn't give them any "power" to act as "agents unto themselves." Perhaps God is withholding an answer because there is no "one-right-way" to go in this situation. 

They might instead say "I am seriously considering becoming a pediatrician. Will this make me happy and capable to provide for my family? Is this what I should be doing to have the greatest impact for good on others?" A lot of what we chose to do is really up to us! That's kind of scary, but very empowering as well!

*Reminder paragraph*

Relationships

Obviously this is a topic which is prayed about an awful lot. You might be searching for someone and are praying for direction. You might be in a relationship currently and are seeking guidance on whether to start being more serious or not. You might be ready to get engaged (or already engaged) and are pleading with the Lord to stop you quick if this isn't what you're supposed to be doing.

The issue here is the idea of a soul-mate. Not the actuality of a soul mate, but the idea of a soul mate. I'll explain in a minute. First, I'd like to quote from a talk given by President Uchtdorf:

I know this may be a disappointment for some of you, but I don't believe there is only one right person for you. I think I fell in love with my wife, Harriet, from the first moment I saw her. Nevertheless, had she decided to marry someone else, I believe I would have met and fallen in love with someone else. I am eternally grateful that this didn't happen, but I don't believe she was my one chance at happiness in this life, nor was I hers. (Emphasis added)

There are many other quotes from general authorities about selecting an eternal partner (click here to read more). I want to remind all of us that although soul mates aren't predestined for us, they can be created.

"… Once you commit to being married, your spouse becomes your soul mate, and it is your duty and responsibility to work every day to keep it that way" (“The Reflection in the Water” [Church Educational System fireside for young adults, Nov. 1, 2009]).

So now let me explain myself on the difference of the actuality of a soul mate and the idea of a soul mate.

I think it's fairly clear to all of us that, as President Spencer W. Kimball said, "‘Soul mates’ are fiction and an illusion." I don't think anyone's arguing with him on that point. There are two parts to that quote though. Fiction, being that they do not exist, and illusion, being that they are something that we are seeking for. This is the problem. We don't believe in soul mates, but we keep looking for them.

Let me see if I can provide some real life scenarios I have seen (names have been changed) to help us learn about the relationship between prayer and choosing an eternal spouse.

Scenarios
1) Tyson is interested in a few different girls and decides to pray and ask God which of them he should pursue more seriously. He doesn't get an answer and so he wallows in indecision, waiting for God to tell him which girl is "right" for him.

2) Lauren has been dating a boy for a while and has been praying quite a bit about the relationship. She feels no answer, or at best that she should just be patient. She decides to break up because she hasn't gotten a "yes" answer.

3) Sharon gets engaged to be married. Soon after the engagement however, she notices that her soon-to-be husband was acting differently than he had when they were dating and was now showing signs of deeper character flaws that weren't visible before. She dives into prayer and after praying for strength and direction she breaks off the engagement.

4) Josh has been dating a woman for some time and has prayed many times about their relationship. He feels like he has received a confirming answer about moving forward, but when he approaches the woman he has been dating she says she has received the opposite answer and wants to break things off.

Each of these scenarios are different and each is unique. I would love, one day, to do a post on dating and courtship and all of that fun stuff, but for my purposes today I'll stay focused simply on getting answers to prayers about relationships.

Let's look at our scenarios.

Analysis
Scenario 1) I think the issue here is obvious. This poor boy is assuming that there is one right girl for him (the "idea" of a soul mate) and so he expects the very clear answer of "yes" or "no" for each girl individually. By not receiving a clear answer he is confused and begins to think that perhaps he really is receiving an answer, but that he's not interpreting it properly.

I know we've all done this before. So here's my recommendation (and I say my recommendation because every situation and every person is different): He should pick the girl that fits these three categories the best: 1) Edifies him spiritually. 2) Connects with him emotionally. 3) Attracts him physically. In that order. Then pick a girl and go for it! Chances are it won't get very far anyways!

(Yes, yes, of course there are more qualities to look for in a future spouse, but if you start with those traits and go from there it'll give you a good foundation on which to base your dating relationships.)

He might be worried that by pursuing one girl he will break friendships or loose the opportunity to date the others. This is an absolutely valid concern! It's very likely that will happen! But I believe in a God that gives second chances and has our exaltation as His first priority. Don't let an absence of an answer paralyze you! It probably just means that God trusts you enough to let you make your own decisions. The decision of your eternal companion is a decision that YOU will live with for the rest of eternity (that's the goal at least). God already has His eternal spouse. He's here to help you out with picking yours, but ultimately it's up to you.

Here's a warning for us to not try and force God to give us an answer when He has chosen to not direct us:

“We should study things out in our minds, using the reasoning powers our Creator has placed within us. Then we should pray for guidance and act upon it if we receive it. If we do not receive guidance, we should act upon our best judgment. Persons who persist in seeking revelatory guidance on subjects on which the Lord has not chosen to direct us may concoct an answer out of their own fantasy or bias, or they may even receive an answer through the medium of false revelation. Revelation from God is a sacred reality, but like other sacred things, it must be cherished and used properly so that a great strength does not become a disabling weakness” Dallin H. Oaks

Scenario 2) This one is a little more tricky, but it goes along the same lines. Lauren is praying and asking God if he is "the right one." She's probably not going to get an answer to that question. Maybe she should ask "can he make me happy eternally" or "will he be a good provider for our family" or "help us to have meaningful deep conversations so that I can discern what kind of man he truly is." I really like that last one.

You can't just throw this decision at God and expect Him to make all your choices for you. That's like a kid going up to his parents with a bowl of chocolate ice cream and saying "Is this the right ice cream for me?" The parent's probably thinking "Well I've got vanilla and strawberry ice cream in the fridge, but it's whatever you want." If we keep putting off love now for what might be waiting around the corner we'll be forever waiting. In that same vein though, don't "settle" or lower your standards for someone just cause they're the "here and now." Have realistic expectations, but don't lower them cause you're worried you won't ever get another chance at love.

In this specific case I can support what she did. It's not the right thing to do in every situation like this, but perhaps by her creating some distance they'll both be able to more objectively assess their feelings. In the end, either they'll get back together with more commitment to the relationship then before, or they'll recover and find someone else. That's the reality of dating: you either get married or you break up.

Scenario 3) This is a different situation entirely. Sharon knew what she wanted, she sees now that the man she thought she was dating was a facade and the man underneath was someone who lived beneath her personal standards and beliefs. She prayed for strength to break off an engagement and she got it. Not that it wasn't incredibly difficult, but she made that decision for herself.

Of course no one is perfect and that will include your spouse. Many things can be overlooked, but there are some "deal breakers" for all of us. Learn to compromise, "don't sweat the small stuff.," but also don't compromise on the truly important "stuff."

Scenario 4) Oh man this is a awkward one. I have a hard time seeing God give the "yes" to one person and the "no" to another. Perhaps Josh got an answer of "yes, she can make you happy for eternity" and she got the "it's up to you" answer. Perhaps he got a "yes, you are ready for this and if she is your choice then so be it" and she got a "no, because you're not ready for this personally, but maybe one day."

A comment from a recent reader added the fact that there is a possibility that although she was right for him, he might not have been right for her. She may have fulfilled his marital needs, but he may not have fulfilled hers. This, then, is an example of God giving an honest answer to each person and although they sound contradictory at first glance, in reality it's simply God showing us that He has more insight into the human heart than we do.

It is also possible that because of the highly emotional connection to the situation that the signals are getting mixed, or perhaps Josh was putting "pressure" on God to sanction his decision. Remember Joseph Smith and the first 116 translated pages of the Book of Mormon. He asked God if he could turn them over to Martin Harris for a time to show his family and friends what he was working on. God said no. After pressure from Martin, Joseph asked again and again until the Lord said, in effect, "Fine. Let him take them. But he'd better be careful with them!" We all know what happened. The pages were lost and were not re-translated.

Sometimes because of our incessant nagging God gives us the "thumbs up" to go ahead and make our own foolish choices. He does this because He knows we will learn from it and perhaps next time we will just follow His counsel the first time we get it.

In this situation just remember what President Uchtdorf said: "I think I fell in love with my wife, Harriet, from the first moment I saw her. Nevertheless, had she decided to marry someone else, I believe I would have met and fallen in love with someone else. I am eternally grateful that this didn't happen, but I don't believe she was my one chance at happiness in this life, nor was I hers."

Careers and Relationships
Certainly there are many more things that we pray about other than these two topics. Children, circumstances, weather, lottery numbers (jk), etc. But I hope by providing just a few examples of these situations in which we might not receive an answer that we can apply these principles into our lives in other areas.

Conclusion
If you feel like you're not receiving an answer to a question you've been diligently praying about then try these steps:
- Repent and remove distractions so that you can be ready to receive an answer if God's trying to send you one.
- Make sure you've studied out the issue and are well informed of what you're asking.
- Be sure that you're asking the right question.
- If you're still not getting anything, it means that it's up to you. Pick something and run with it.
- Keep praying and follow direction when you get it.

God loves us and wants to help us. Yes, life is hard and confusing, but it's also wonderful, beautiful and full of happiness! Enjoy the journey, smile, and be decisive.

Keep Pushing On

Andrew